I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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