i permit you to call me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
