i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
