I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
