Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
