Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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