Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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