I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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