I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
