Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
