Screwed.edu
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Where are you guys?
Drunk
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
