i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
