so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
