between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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