i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
