this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you didnt know i had herpes?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
