Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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