I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You can't special order awesome
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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