I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I need moral support for this bender
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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