chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The feeling are messing with the penis
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
