Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
