I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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