you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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