guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
