i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Randomize