oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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