I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
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