How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
