I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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