I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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