I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
