i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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