nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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