My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
50% drunk capacity currently
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
