my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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