I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
