Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
