Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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