She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
