Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
