bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
