he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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