So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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