Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
