Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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