My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
