is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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