Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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