worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
