I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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