Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Drunk is a universal language darling
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
