omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
