my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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