happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up under a house in Key West
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
