You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
