I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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