At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
