Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I currently don't understand fingers.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
