Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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