Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
