What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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