called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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