I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
