I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
