you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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