I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
