I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
