ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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