we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
